Guess who missed her alarm by TWO HOURS? Yeah, this pissed off chick right here.
I didn't wake up at 5am like I wanted to. I didn't go to bed at 9pm like I wanted to. Instead, I ended up asleep around 11pm and I woke up at 7:15am. WHAT. THE FUCK. Granted, yeah, I did willingly answer my phone when Donovan called...But I haven't seen him in around two weeks. Hearing his voice was incredibly pleasant...But What the fuck.
I didn't wake up at 5am. I didn't get my 5am run in. I didn't get my 5:30am flush in. To get back on track, I didn't eat any breakfast, but I also neglected to get myself any tea this morning. I'll get lots of water in a little while, after this class at 10:45.
Tonight I'm going to bed at 9. I'm taking a shower as soon as I get back from my after-school power walk/run, depending on if I have time to change my shoes along with everything else.
Also, I neglected to pull out my chicken thigh. I'm going to call my dad and ask him to for me...I don't want to eat venison.
What will I have for dinner?
One chicken thigh, seasoned with garlic and lemon. Approximately 150 calories with seasoning. (I was amazed when I found out thigh was healthier than breast!)
Half a cup of white rice, no seasoning, not even butter. Approximately 120 calories. Going to check the package for an actual number.
Quarter cup of broccoli, if I have any, no seasoning. If I do not have broccoli, which I still have to check calories on it, I will wrap my rice up in nori to make myself little fish-free sushi rolls. (Yes, I know that sushi doesn't have fish, and that sushi is pickled rice. I will have sushi, not sashimi.)
Nori supper total: 280 calories.
Broccoli supper total: TBA.
I'll probably just go with the Nori Supper, in order to have a better count and a nice low number.
Shine on,
Panda
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
A Re-catalog of my goals and their deadlines.
I am currently 163lb.
9/30/11 GW - 150lb. Fastly approaching. Will be running for 30 mins in the morning, and then will be eating nothing more than one egg and drinking a cup of Earl Grey tea with 1/4 tsp of local starthistle honey in it every morning.
10/31/11 GW - 140lb. I want to look good for Youmacon. 160lb does NOT look good.
11/30/11 GW - 130lb. I will blatantly IGNORE the Thanksgiving feast. I will ONLY treat myself to half a piece of ONE kind of pie, and a VERY modestly portioned supper.
12/31/11 GW - 120lb. I want my boyfriend to kiss a PRETTY, THIN girl at midnight. I'm so sick of making him kiss an ugly fat girl every time I see him.
1/31/12 GW - 110lb. I'll almost be there. It'll be cold, but I'll still go out and run, and I hope I won't slip on any ice. I'll do 10 minute trainers every day. New Years resolution, anyone?
2/26/12 GW - 100lb. My ultimate goal weight for right now. I know this one is a shorter time than the others, but 2/26 is Donovan's birthday. For his birthday, I want a skinny, sexy girl to fuck his brains out. I want that girl that just flat out rocks his world to be me.
After that...I can't wait to see if I can go lower.
I also refuse to cut my hair 'til the short layer is below my shoulders. I need a new style, and I want my hair to get healthy enough to hold dye again - He said he loves me with black hair, let's see how he loves that skinny, sexy bitch with black hair. I *love* that goth turns him on.
9/30/11 GW - 150lb. Fastly approaching. Will be running for 30 mins in the morning, and then will be eating nothing more than one egg and drinking a cup of Earl Grey tea with 1/4 tsp of local starthistle honey in it every morning.
10/31/11 GW - 140lb. I want to look good for Youmacon. 160lb does NOT look good.
11/30/11 GW - 130lb. I will blatantly IGNORE the Thanksgiving feast. I will ONLY treat myself to half a piece of ONE kind of pie, and a VERY modestly portioned supper.
12/31/11 GW - 120lb. I want my boyfriend to kiss a PRETTY, THIN girl at midnight. I'm so sick of making him kiss an ugly fat girl every time I see him.
1/31/12 GW - 110lb. I'll almost be there. It'll be cold, but I'll still go out and run, and I hope I won't slip on any ice. I'll do 10 minute trainers every day. New Years resolution, anyone?
2/26/12 GW - 100lb. My ultimate goal weight for right now. I know this one is a shorter time than the others, but 2/26 is Donovan's birthday. For his birthday, I want a skinny, sexy girl to fuck his brains out. I want that girl that just flat out rocks his world to be me.
After that...I can't wait to see if I can go lower.
I also refuse to cut my hair 'til the short layer is below my shoulders. I need a new style, and I want my hair to get healthy enough to hold dye again - He said he loves me with black hair, let's see how he loves that skinny, sexy bitch with black hair. I *love* that goth turns him on.
STOP ASKING ME WHAT'S FOR DINNER!
Honestly, I'm slowly getting there. Slowly being the key word. My first goal date is in 11 days and I'm frozen 13lb above my second goal weight. However, I learned a few very valuable somethings in the past two weeks.
1- I want to eat less if I'm chewing on something. I learned this while chewing on a piece of a honeycomb to ease my throat (there was a tiny bit of local honey surrounding it, and it was followed by hot tea). While I chewed on the waxy honeycomb, my desire to eat just went *poof*. It was an interesting texture that kept my mouth and my mind occupied, and it had no flavour! Imagine that! I swallowed a piece of it, too, and it felt very unpleasant going down. Scratchy, even. Perhaps this weekend I'll buy myself a honeycomb each three days and chew on the honeycomb part during my "danger time", when I'm tempted to go and eat ... Well, anything that isn't soup or a delicious 0 calorie dill pickle. They're cheap, too! 50 cents for one, and I could chew on it for quite a while!
2 - Whenever my dad asks me, "What's for dinner?" I start thinking about food. I'm getting sick of it. Why don't you figure it out for yourself for once? I'm going to have SOUP. If not soup, then BROTH. I don't want to eat burger. I don't want to eat steak. I don't want to eat either one of those slathered in cream of mushroom soup with a tonne of noodles under them. Just shut up, and figure out your own dinner. I don't like to waste food by throwing it out, especially with us being in such a bind financially...But if I have to, I will! Even though it's venison, which I've learned has a LOT fewer calories than beef does, and virtually no fat because deer are constantly on the move (I could take some lessons from them), but it's still a lot of calories. And with the way my dad fixes it? Forget about it. It's a diet killer.
3 - I don't even look good in a corset anymore. Not even a nicely boned one. Which means, that I have to wear them more often UNDER my clothes, and use it as a tool to just restrict my eating habits. Waist training, here I come! I've got corset patterns. I've got extra material. I've got a sewing machine, and I've got hangers for boning. Good, hard-to-bend hangers. I've got grommets, too, and all that is missing is a busk!
4 - I'm not the only one that works in my area (the Faeries) that wants to lose weight...But she's so much prettier than I am already, lighter than me, thinner than me, and she carries herself much better than I do. In an effort to be more like her, I've stopped showing virtually any skin at all - skirts with very, very tight skin-toned tights under them and long socks to cover it up, long sleeves, even scarves to hide that disgusting look my neck and chin has. My hair is always down to hide my face. I figure this way...
This way when I finally reach my goal weight - 100lb even - and I finally take off the long sleeves, wear a pair of very well fitted pants, and tie my hair back, everyone will be stunned.
Five minutes after I post this and work up my courage (I don't know why it scares me), I'm going to chug 32oz of sea-salt water, fire up one of my hand-held video games and wait for the results. After they come, the rest of my food for the day will either be two pieces of fresh-baked bread, or four saltines. It depends on how I feel...I might add half a lemon to suck on a little bit. Those keep me occupied for quite a long time - both mouth and stomach.
Shine on,
Panda
Dear god...I'm nervous for some reason.
1- I want to eat less if I'm chewing on something. I learned this while chewing on a piece of a honeycomb to ease my throat (there was a tiny bit of local honey surrounding it, and it was followed by hot tea). While I chewed on the waxy honeycomb, my desire to eat just went *poof*. It was an interesting texture that kept my mouth and my mind occupied, and it had no flavour! Imagine that! I swallowed a piece of it, too, and it felt very unpleasant going down. Scratchy, even. Perhaps this weekend I'll buy myself a honeycomb each three days and chew on the honeycomb part during my "danger time", when I'm tempted to go and eat ... Well, anything that isn't soup or a delicious 0 calorie dill pickle. They're cheap, too! 50 cents for one, and I could chew on it for quite a while!
2 - Whenever my dad asks me, "What's for dinner?" I start thinking about food. I'm getting sick of it. Why don't you figure it out for yourself for once? I'm going to have SOUP. If not soup, then BROTH. I don't want to eat burger. I don't want to eat steak. I don't want to eat either one of those slathered in cream of mushroom soup with a tonne of noodles under them. Just shut up, and figure out your own dinner. I don't like to waste food by throwing it out, especially with us being in such a bind financially...But if I have to, I will! Even though it's venison, which I've learned has a LOT fewer calories than beef does, and virtually no fat because deer are constantly on the move (I could take some lessons from them), but it's still a lot of calories. And with the way my dad fixes it? Forget about it. It's a diet killer.
3 - I don't even look good in a corset anymore. Not even a nicely boned one. Which means, that I have to wear them more often UNDER my clothes, and use it as a tool to just restrict my eating habits. Waist training, here I come! I've got corset patterns. I've got extra material. I've got a sewing machine, and I've got hangers for boning. Good, hard-to-bend hangers. I've got grommets, too, and all that is missing is a busk!
4 - I'm not the only one that works in my area (the Faeries) that wants to lose weight...But she's so much prettier than I am already, lighter than me, thinner than me, and she carries herself much better than I do. In an effort to be more like her, I've stopped showing virtually any skin at all - skirts with very, very tight skin-toned tights under them and long socks to cover it up, long sleeves, even scarves to hide that disgusting look my neck and chin has. My hair is always down to hide my face. I figure this way...
This way when I finally reach my goal weight - 100lb even - and I finally take off the long sleeves, wear a pair of very well fitted pants, and tie my hair back, everyone will be stunned.
Five minutes after I post this and work up my courage (I don't know why it scares me), I'm going to chug 32oz of sea-salt water, fire up one of my hand-held video games and wait for the results. After they come, the rest of my food for the day will either be two pieces of fresh-baked bread, or four saltines. It depends on how I feel...I might add half a lemon to suck on a little bit. Those keep me occupied for quite a long time - both mouth and stomach.
Shine on,
Panda
Dear god...I'm nervous for some reason.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
What is this fuckery?!
What have I done in the past few days? Hm. Let me think...Eat, sleep, drink, do Festival and get sick.
How much have I eaten each day?
Friday: Not a lot.
Saturday: A breakfast of hash browns, sausage, a biscuit, and a cinnamon roll...some pita chips and garlic hummus. The fuck? Also had a Seagram's "Jamaican me Happy" and a cup of coffee.
Sunday: Dear god. Garlic hummus with pita chips, ice cream, and bread sticks. Cup of hot chai tea...and I mean HOT.
Monday: Hot dogs, tiny bit of chili (That one I can explain. I'm trying to get used to the taste of beans so I can have one actual meal a day, black beans and rice. Complete protein and all that rot. Maybe I'll cut the beans out. Still don't know.) and a diet pepsi.
Tuesday: Apple danish. Macaroni and cheese. Leftover hot dog. Leftover chili with some onion added. A cup of amazing white chocolate caramel cappuccino (which is hard to spell at 3:24 am). Tons of water. Honey vanilla chamomile with honey and milk added. Elka seltzer. (I ate so much today because I've come down with a flu...My mom always made me macaroni and cheese so I could sleep and get better.
Here's why I say WHAT THE FUCK.
I've LOST 5LB SINCE THURSDAY. How the FUCK does that happen?
I'm not going to test my luck. Tomorrow is chicken broth. Maybe one cup of soup with noodles. Water. Hot tea. One cup of hot cocoa at bed time so I go to sleep and can go to school the next day! I know I'm sick. I have to keep hydrated.
Fucking flu.
In any event...My first goal of 150lb is coming closer. My deadline is the last day of September!
150lb - 9/30/2011
140lb - 10/31/2011
130lb - 11/30/2011
Come on, you can do this Panda! Then you'll be a pretty Panda!!
On that note...Anabuddy. Please. ; ; Preferably in my home area so I can text you. If not in my home area, then Verizon. Someone with Verizon.
How much have I eaten each day?
Friday: Not a lot.
Saturday: A breakfast of hash browns, sausage, a biscuit, and a cinnamon roll...some pita chips and garlic hummus. The fuck? Also had a Seagram's "Jamaican me Happy" and a cup of coffee.
Sunday: Dear god. Garlic hummus with pita chips, ice cream, and bread sticks. Cup of hot chai tea...and I mean HOT.
Monday: Hot dogs, tiny bit of chili (That one I can explain. I'm trying to get used to the taste of beans so I can have one actual meal a day, black beans and rice. Complete protein and all that rot. Maybe I'll cut the beans out. Still don't know.) and a diet pepsi.
Tuesday: Apple danish. Macaroni and cheese. Leftover hot dog. Leftover chili with some onion added. A cup of amazing white chocolate caramel cappuccino (which is hard to spell at 3:24 am). Tons of water. Honey vanilla chamomile with honey and milk added. Elka seltzer. (I ate so much today because I've come down with a flu...My mom always made me macaroni and cheese so I could sleep and get better.
Here's why I say WHAT THE FUCK.
I've LOST 5LB SINCE THURSDAY. How the FUCK does that happen?
I'm not going to test my luck. Tomorrow is chicken broth. Maybe one cup of soup with noodles. Water. Hot tea. One cup of hot cocoa at bed time so I go to sleep and can go to school the next day! I know I'm sick. I have to keep hydrated.
Fucking flu.
In any event...My first goal of 150lb is coming closer. My deadline is the last day of September!
150lb - 9/30/2011
140lb - 10/31/2011
130lb - 11/30/2011
Come on, you can do this Panda! Then you'll be a pretty Panda!!
On that note...Anabuddy. Please. ; ; Preferably in my home area so I can text you. If not in my home area, then Verizon. Someone with Verizon.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Gah.
I did a test of the lemonade diet to see if I could stomach the lemonade, or if it was just a better idea to just straight up fast for a while. I mixed it up just like one of the sites I found said to...
But it turns out I'm allergic to cayenne pepper. Still. I knew I was when I was little, so I avoided it like the plague, but drinking just one glass of the lemonade did nothing but make me sick to my stomach...And not in the way that I was going to start throwing up. That would have been fine. Instead it was just a residual sickness that wouldn't go away with no other feeling. Bah.
SO. I'm going to try something new...I'll let you all know what it is and if I can stick to it by Monday. Still doing the salt water cleanse, though!
Wish me luck...Now if I can get rid of this horrendous burning feeling in my throat...
But it turns out I'm allergic to cayenne pepper. Still. I knew I was when I was little, so I avoided it like the plague, but drinking just one glass of the lemonade did nothing but make me sick to my stomach...And not in the way that I was going to start throwing up. That would have been fine. Instead it was just a residual sickness that wouldn't go away with no other feeling. Bah.
SO. I'm going to try something new...I'll let you all know what it is and if I can stick to it by Monday. Still doing the salt water cleanse, though!
Wish me luck...Now if I can get rid of this horrendous burning feeling in my throat...
Friday, September 2, 2011
Lemons...
Lemons...I have lemons now. I got a small bag of them...For only $3. I also got a fairly large container of cayenne pepper and I got some maple syrup. Guess what starts soon?
I'll give you a hint: It involves very odd tasting lemonade and some very salty water.
Wish me luck, I'm actually a little scared to try this! Haha. It makes no sense, I know.
I found a big enough container to do the salt water flush in the mornings, and I got more sea salt. I probably don't have enough to do very much of these methods, but money is very tight right now. I have some money right now, so I might end up getting more lemons and shoving the rest in my gas tank.
Oh, school. You ruin my funds.
I'll give you a hint: It involves very odd tasting lemonade and some very salty water.
Wish me luck, I'm actually a little scared to try this! Haha. It makes no sense, I know.
I found a big enough container to do the salt water flush in the mornings, and I got more sea salt. I probably don't have enough to do very much of these methods, but money is very tight right now. I have some money right now, so I might end up getting more lemons and shoving the rest in my gas tank.
Oh, school. You ruin my funds.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Fucking menstruation.
Dear Mother Nature,
Take your gift back. I don't want it. I can deal with the bleeding, sure. But the cramping and bloating...It makes me look even fatter than I normally do. And the mood swings? Because of you, I wouldn't even go see my boyfriend today because I felt so god damn unstable. I didn't want to snap at him.
Oh, and let's talk about those damn cravings and all that unnecessary pain. Because of you, I ate two sandwiches today, with peanut butter and home made strawberry jam my aunt sent us. Not only that, but a bowl of cereal with almond milk, all to stop the unholy stabbing PAIN you put in my stomach. You KNEW I was planning to fast, didn't you? You just want to sabotage me. Get out of my body, I want to fast!
Get out of my body, I want to be skinny!
Love,
Panda Dearest
Take your gift back. I don't want it. I can deal with the bleeding, sure. But the cramping and bloating...It makes me look even fatter than I normally do. And the mood swings? Because of you, I wouldn't even go see my boyfriend today because I felt so god damn unstable. I didn't want to snap at him.
Oh, and let's talk about those damn cravings and all that unnecessary pain. Because of you, I ate two sandwiches today, with peanut butter and home made strawberry jam my aunt sent us. Not only that, but a bowl of cereal with almond milk, all to stop the unholy stabbing PAIN you put in my stomach. You KNEW I was planning to fast, didn't you? You just want to sabotage me. Get out of my body, I want to fast!
Get out of my body, I want to be skinny!
Love,
Panda Dearest
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