Lemons...

Lemons...I have lemons now. I got a small bag of them...For only $3. I also got a fairly large container of cayenne pepper and I got some maple syrup. Guess what starts soon?

I'll give you a hint: It involves very odd tasting lemonade and some very salty water.

Wish me luck, I'm actually a little scared to try this! Haha. It makes no sense, I know.

I found a big enough container to do the salt water flush in the mornings, and I got more sea salt. I probably don't have enough to do very much of these methods, but money is very tight right now. I have some money right now, so I might end up getting more lemons and shoving the rest in my gas tank.

Oh, school. You ruin my funds.

Fucking menstruation.

Dear Mother Nature,

Take your gift back. I don't want it. I can deal with the bleeding, sure. But the cramping and bloating...It makes me look even fatter than I normally do. And the mood swings? Because of you, I wouldn't even go see my boyfriend today because I felt so god damn unstable. I didn't want to snap at him.


Oh, and let's talk about those damn cravings and all that unnecessary pain. Because of you, I ate two sandwiches today, with peanut butter and home made strawberry jam my aunt sent us. Not only that, but a bowl of cereal with almond milk, all to stop the unholy stabbing PAIN you put in my stomach. You KNEW I was planning to fast, didn't you? You just want to sabotage me. Get out of my body, I want to fast!


Get out of my body, I want to be skinny!


Love,
Panda Dearest

A big bowl.

I work at the Renaissance Festival not-so-near me. I run with children all day long when my left leg allows it, I dance every morning, and it's rare for me to eat more than a little even on these days when it's a sure thing that my stomach will be growling.


I had a wooden bowl that I used during these times, a large square bowl. I rarely used the thing, myself, but instead I shared it with whoever had no bowl to themselves or perhaps even forgot it. Back in 2009, it usually held my meager food along with meals for two other people.


This year, a tiny Asian girl I work with in my area, took a look at my bowl and immediately made cracks about my weight and how much I eat. "Aye, this one can really put it away," she said first, and poked at my stomach through my bodice.


I found a much smaller bowl that I can barely fit anything into, and I've started using this thing to hold my food during the day. It barely holds anything at all, so even when I have something small it looks like I'm eating a lot. Maybe I should just get rid of having a bowl altogether and just keep a cup for water, even there.


I'm very far from done. I'm starting the salt water flush tonight.