A losing battle.

There's no other way I can put it. I'm fighting a losing battle. For once, this has very little to do with my weight.


I haven't posted in a while, here or in the chronicles. I've barely had access to the internet. I've barely had access to my sanity and to my life.


Couple weeks ago, I overdosed on sleeping pills. I didn't want to wake up. Even now I'm having a hard time finding the point to all of this. This stupid life. Every time I talk to someone, all I hear is "It's not that bad", or I get blown off and told about their "sucky life". "Oh, how horrible, six guys like me at once, I don't know what to do. Only two are cute."
That's nice. I can't even get groceries for my father and I can't afford my medication, I'm taking pills that are probably six months to a year old and trying to ration out everything, even my water. (Which makes no sense...that much is free to me.) I'm a goddamn wreck lately. I'm in constant pain, emotional and physical, to the point that the emotional pain is becoming physical pain.


My chest has been hurting for days. Over a week. Other than pain, I can't feel anything. I can hardly feel the keyboard under my fingers or the chair under my ass.


I don't know what to do at this point. You know I've been purposely fucking my piercings up so I can say, "Whoops, I slipped, look at the pretty blood..."