Yay, yatta!

In light of my past couple days of failure, I did so much better today and yesterday.

I lost the list of what I ate yesterday (My notebook can rarely go to school with me. People I talk with are getting suspicious of how I write every time I nibble on something. Those questions aren't welcome!) I do remember the end count, though - 359 total!! That's almost 100 under the total for that day, which was 450. Not bad, not bad~

Today, there were 3 small pieces of chicken, all dark meat. (I've stopped with the white meat only thing, after figuring out that dark meat was lower in calories.
Total was 208.32 exactly, and I do believe I'm done for the evening.


...Well, there was also a slice of toast with a small bit of peanut butter on it. Ouch...So it looks like my total is 413.32.  That's not too bad, at least. It's under 450! :D

Unless my sugar drops through the floor again, I don't plan on eating again 'til tomorrow. And tomorrow, I'm going out, so I won't have time to get all 650 calories in. Woooh~

Oh, and also, there will be pictures soon. Of my non-tiny belly.

Failure.

My last two days were complete and utter fails.

Yesterday, Tuesday, a friend came and took my Nyxxie and me to dinner. I was sabotaged and made to order a meal that had no hope of being under 500 calories and just eating 3/5 of it. Guh.

Today...Today is completely my fault and the fault of my weak will.

No matter! I'm getting my ass back on track! 500 calories or less tomorrow, Thursday, day 11. If I eat more, it's razor blades on my ribs. No. More. Fuckups.

This is technically day 6.

Starvation is control.
Control is tough.
Bones are beautiful
When thin is not enough.

Day 6: 650 calories.


Afternoon (Slept in): 1 cup of spaghetti. 190.
Supper: 1/2 cup french fries (55), 1 bun, and 1/2 a venison burger. (Total 110 cal. It was a really small bun.)
Condiments: 1/2 tbsp mayo (22.5), 1 tbsp ketchup (20)
Evening: 1 small apple (currently eating). (40)
Snacks: 2 slices fresh baked italian bread. (180)


My total for the day comes to 617.5 calories for the day. Woo!

I want to look down and see this.

Am I ever going to look like the size 4?

Life is going to be so much easier once my dad goes back to work. I won't have to worry about him making me eat his dinners. Nothing against him...Just...His food tastes too good to just waste. That's why the second burger he threw on my plate is sitting in the fridge, wrapped up in cling wrap and prepared the same way as today's burger was. I can't bring myself to just throw it out. ...Maybe I should, though. I have lemons, and apples, and pancake mix, and soba and cha soba noodles, and PLENTY of tea! And natural honey, too! Hm. I think I might only end up eating a quarter of this apple and making some tea...

And tomorrow night, if I behave, I get to dye my hair black again! I'm going to try writing out an actual meal plan for tomorrow using my soba noodles. Only half of what I have though, one serving is 200 calories...>.>; Bah humbug.

Oh crap. Oh snuff.

It's 12:39 pm right now, and I just woke up. I just woke up, and I want food. Not, "I'm hungry and my stomach hurts", no. I just *want* food, particularly chocolate. I don't need it, and I know I don't, and yet I want it so badly still. UGH. This is annoying. I don't want to eat 'til supper, and then even only have a little to eat. I hate cravings for sweet.

Skinny Girl, Coming Right Up!

Day 1: Smashing success, if I do say so myself.
This morning, I had a tiny, tiny apple. So tiny, in fact, that it barely took up half the palm of my hand. It rounded up to be about 10 calories.
This afternoon, I munched on ten miniature rice cakes, which put me up at 90 calories total.

I came home, after bumming a dollar off a friend for a bottle of cold water, to the scent of taco meat. Not just any taco meat, but venison, which only has 30 calories per ounce! I splurged on two ounces of venison, two taco shells, (250 there), half a serving of cheese (+60), accented with lettuce, tomato, a bit of onion, and some delicious habanero sauce.

90 + 250 + 70 = 160 + 250 = 410. I only went over by 10 calories! And I haven't even done my nightly exercises! I'm going to KILL those 10 extra calories, and then some.

Today is a new day! A new day, with Panda slowly breaking through her fat shell into the bright world as a beautiful, fat-free Fox!

Testing! Today my food is lettuce, tomato, chicken broth, and MAYBE noodles and a lemon.

Fluctuations...

I'm not happy about the recent fluctuations in my weight. Well, some of them I am. Like, the one that took me all the way down to 157lb....But not the one that abruptly put me back up at 163 the next day. Obviously I need to be more strict with myself.


No more than 300 calories per day, no matter what, from now on. This is disgusting. I don't care how it hurts anymore. I'll eat 300 calories, loaded with protein so my blood sugar will stay up at a decent level. I'll only use honey as sweetener...and I hate store bought honey, so I'll use less of it. Maybe Splenda, it's calorie-free...Only natural sea salt so the water in my body won't be so trapped by that damn iodine...And furthermore...NO MORE FUCKING CHEATING.


No more single bites of ice cream. No more nibbles of chocolate. No more gummy bears at all, not even one. No store-bought lemonade, ever. One bottle of diet soda in one day IF I've been good for a whole week...I know that junk is loaded with carbs somehow. I just know it is. And furthermore, my rice snacks will just be white rice with trivial amounts of soy sauce...or hot pepper...Capsaicin or however you spell it is my friend...


Fruit...will be natural..not sweetened...and eaten in small amounts...Lettuce is fair game...tomato is fair game...And nori is alright. One sheet is good fiber, and only ten calories, and it tastes delicious.

It is written, it MUST be done!

My goals area already being pushed back by a month...