This is technically day 6.

Starvation is control.
Control is tough.
Bones are beautiful
When thin is not enough.

Day 6: 650 calories.


Afternoon (Slept in): 1 cup of spaghetti. 190.
Supper: 1/2 cup french fries (55), 1 bun, and 1/2 a venison burger. (Total 110 cal. It was a really small bun.)
Condiments: 1/2 tbsp mayo (22.5), 1 tbsp ketchup (20)
Evening: 1 small apple (currently eating). (40)
Snacks: 2 slices fresh baked italian bread. (180)


My total for the day comes to 617.5 calories for the day. Woo!

I want to look down and see this.

Am I ever going to look like the size 4?

Life is going to be so much easier once my dad goes back to work. I won't have to worry about him making me eat his dinners. Nothing against him...Just...His food tastes too good to just waste. That's why the second burger he threw on my plate is sitting in the fridge, wrapped up in cling wrap and prepared the same way as today's burger was. I can't bring myself to just throw it out. ...Maybe I should, though. I have lemons, and apples, and pancake mix, and soba and cha soba noodles, and PLENTY of tea! And natural honey, too! Hm. I think I might only end up eating a quarter of this apple and making some tea...

And tomorrow night, if I behave, I get to dye my hair black again! I'm going to try writing out an actual meal plan for tomorrow using my soba noodles. Only half of what I have though, one serving is 200 calories...>.>; Bah humbug.

Oh crap. Oh snuff.

It's 12:39 pm right now, and I just woke up. I just woke up, and I want food. Not, "I'm hungry and my stomach hurts", no. I just *want* food, particularly chocolate. I don't need it, and I know I don't, and yet I want it so badly still. UGH. This is annoying. I don't want to eat 'til supper, and then even only have a little to eat. I hate cravings for sweet.

Skinny Girl, Coming Right Up!

Day 1: Smashing success, if I do say so myself.
This morning, I had a tiny, tiny apple. So tiny, in fact, that it barely took up half the palm of my hand. It rounded up to be about 10 calories.
This afternoon, I munched on ten miniature rice cakes, which put me up at 90 calories total.

I came home, after bumming a dollar off a friend for a bottle of cold water, to the scent of taco meat. Not just any taco meat, but venison, which only has 30 calories per ounce! I splurged on two ounces of venison, two taco shells, (250 there), half a serving of cheese (+60), accented with lettuce, tomato, a bit of onion, and some delicious habanero sauce.

90 + 250 + 70 = 160 + 250 = 410. I only went over by 10 calories! And I haven't even done my nightly exercises! I'm going to KILL those 10 extra calories, and then some.

Today is a new day! A new day, with Panda slowly breaking through her fat shell into the bright world as a beautiful, fat-free Fox!

Testing! Today my food is lettuce, tomato, chicken broth, and MAYBE noodles and a lemon.

Fluctuations...

I'm not happy about the recent fluctuations in my weight. Well, some of them I am. Like, the one that took me all the way down to 157lb....But not the one that abruptly put me back up at 163 the next day. Obviously I need to be more strict with myself.


No more than 300 calories per day, no matter what, from now on. This is disgusting. I don't care how it hurts anymore. I'll eat 300 calories, loaded with protein so my blood sugar will stay up at a decent level. I'll only use honey as sweetener...and I hate store bought honey, so I'll use less of it. Maybe Splenda, it's calorie-free...Only natural sea salt so the water in my body won't be so trapped by that damn iodine...And furthermore...NO MORE FUCKING CHEATING.


No more single bites of ice cream. No more nibbles of chocolate. No more gummy bears at all, not even one. No store-bought lemonade, ever. One bottle of diet soda in one day IF I've been good for a whole week...I know that junk is loaded with carbs somehow. I just know it is. And furthermore, my rice snacks will just be white rice with trivial amounts of soy sauce...or hot pepper...Capsaicin or however you spell it is my friend...


Fruit...will be natural..not sweetened...and eaten in small amounts...Lettuce is fair game...tomato is fair game...And nori is alright. One sheet is good fiber, and only ten calories, and it tastes delicious.

It is written, it MUST be done!

My goals area already being pushed back by a month...

Grr. I am SO mad right now.

Guess who missed her alarm by TWO HOURS? Yeah, this pissed off chick right here.


I didn't wake up at 5am like I wanted to. I didn't go to bed at 9pm like I wanted to. Instead, I ended up asleep around 11pm and I woke up at 7:15am. WHAT. THE FUCK. Granted, yeah, I did willingly answer my phone when Donovan called...But I haven't seen him in around two weeks. Hearing his voice was incredibly pleasant...But What the fuck.

I didn't wake up at 5am. I didn't get my 5am run in. I didn't get my 5:30am flush in. To get back on track, I didn't eat any breakfast, but I also neglected to get myself any tea this morning. I'll get lots of water in a little while, after this class at 10:45. 


Tonight I'm going to bed at 9. I'm taking a shower as soon as I get back from my after-school power walk/run, depending on if I have time to change my shoes along with everything else.

Also, I neglected to pull out my chicken thigh. I'm going to call my dad and ask him to for me...I don't want to eat venison.

What will I have for dinner?
One chicken thigh, seasoned with garlic and lemon. Approximately 150 calories with seasoning. (I was amazed when I found out thigh was healthier than breast!)
Half a cup of white rice, no seasoning, not even butter. Approximately 120 calories. Going to check the package for an actual number.
Quarter cup of broccoli, if I have any, no seasoning. If I do not have broccoli, which I still have to check calories on it, I will wrap my rice up in nori to make myself little fish-free sushi rolls. (Yes, I know that sushi doesn't have fish, and that sushi is pickled rice. I will have sushi, not sashimi.)


Nori supper total: 280 calories.
Broccoli supper total: TBA.


I'll probably just go with the Nori Supper, in order to have a better count and a nice low number.


Shine on,
Panda

A Re-catalog of my goals and their deadlines.

I am currently 163lb.


9/30/11 GW - 150lb. Fastly approaching. Will be running for 30 mins in the morning, and then will be eating nothing more than one egg and drinking a cup of Earl Grey tea with 1/4 tsp of local starthistle honey in it every morning.
10/31/11 GW - 140lb. I want to look good for Youmacon. 160lb does NOT look good.
11/30/11 GW - 130lb. I will blatantly IGNORE the Thanksgiving feast. I will ONLY treat myself to half a piece of ONE kind of pie, and a VERY modestly portioned supper.
12/31/11 GW - 120lb. I want my boyfriend to kiss a PRETTY, THIN girl at midnight. I'm so sick of making him kiss an ugly fat girl every time I see him.
1/31/12 GW - 110lb. I'll almost be there. It'll be cold, but I'll still go out and run, and I hope I won't slip on any ice. I'll do 10 minute trainers every day. New Years resolution, anyone?
2/26/12 GW - 100lb. My ultimate goal weight for right now. I know this one is a shorter time than the others, but 2/26 is Donovan's birthday. For his birthday, I want a skinny, sexy girl to fuck his brains out. I want that girl that just flat out rocks his world to be me.

After that...I can't wait to see if I can go lower.


I also refuse to cut my hair 'til the short layer is below my shoulders. I need a new style, and I want my hair to get healthy enough to hold dye again - He said he loves me with black hair, let's see how he loves that skinny, sexy bitch with black hair. I *love* that goth turns him on.